I gave the voices your tongue to hear their words in the voice of another. How differently I hate myself when the recital of criticism takes on a separate tone. The ex-plosives are missed as your snipes detonate in an uglier timbre. The richness of that trill is taken as an ever renewing esteem tithe, gradually depreciating my self-belief’s valuations so the bare bones can be given back to the earth cost free. Would the words you made me delete have made any difference? They’ll greet me when I finally give into the bitterness and momentarily regret all I hadn’t the chance to regret before.
Bite me beast. Feel this saccharine smile melt the rotting gum beneath the teeth in the same ringing, rusted tone as the "I told you so" that was never said. Bite me! See how fast the slack jaw snaps back to sink a saddened sully into your sore shoulders. Feel the teeth vibrate against the muscle - adrenaline promised you taste best when the meat is tender, so with open mouth, I'll knead the submission back into your rebellion. Bite. Me. Beast Savour the silence of shock, for that bite only ends in a wrath of stars: striking to transfix the minds eye, and feigning relief to hide a shattered grin.
The beads of your sweat dance As glitter in the dull candle light: Pooling in tiny wells of anticipation Purified in the heat of subtle terror. My beautiful centerpiece Trussed up securely A hungered entrée display Admired with heavy breaths, You're examined by ravenous eyes, Traced by the fingers of libidinous desire, For patience wears at starvation's tolerance. Let sharpened blade be unsheathed Let us feast on you To satiate this hunger Watch your warm entrails drip With the remaining lucid seconds. My pitiful meal, how shameful you've become Watching your heart stop beating in love's cold hand
Razor blade eyes graze deep in the sin Exposing the tarnished rust underneath Dead layers of poison blushed rosy skin. Relive Each Day Remorse slathers its thick tongue against Every inch of your grimacing, paling face. Detached enough to only feel the spite. Regret Every Decision Rehearse the pleas for mercy at the sight of Extraction devices seeking to remove the Decaying truth from the depths of your memory. Recognise Empty Deeds Realise that the crimson wound in your chest Echoes with the wishes that you had started Dying before you stopped the others from living.
Originally Written 08/05/2020, Edited 12/05/2021
I want to set my teeth into your throat; Gargle sour blood around your larynx And tease out your last gasping breath. I want to kiss the lines of your jugular: To rip away the freckled fleshy covering Stimulating my taste buds on its pulsing surface. I want to play maestro with your nerves; And watch you twitch and convulse like a puppet As I pluck the taught tendrils one by one. I want to pick my teeth with your hyoid; Scrape from my grin your lingering remains To purge the taste of you from my mouth
Originally Written 09/05/2020, Edited 12/05/2021
Bestowed gift of manifestation As laid by this babe's head, Bring abundance to this child With bounds yet to be unknown. Create from his flesh a conduit Flowing bountiful in curiosity And free in unabashed glee. Fortify his bones against misery And afford him only adoration. Grant him true expression of Boundless and pure creativity Cascading from his fingertips Or coursing from his pouting lips. Hold his tongue from envious spite. Transform those jealous intentions Into tangible and fortuitous actions. Harbour angers, fears and explosions To free his spirit for fresh pursuits. Transmute his negative shadows Into innovative and fertile passions That may regenerate his being And unshackle his ambitions. Produce from this humble bairn An infant of widened eyes and heart; An enduring and steadfast being. Make him true, fair citrine dreamer.
Do you have to scrub your skin too? Scratch off it’s surface over and over Until twenty burning layers away From the tracks of unwanted caress? Remember as the acid seeps through And you lose that arrogant composure, That I am only just beginning to play With these things that helps me ‘process.’ Have you ever had to show your face When no-one knows the predator won? Force a smile, a dead eyed, dull grin, Hoping when friends hug you don’t flinch. Centre of the tooth, with nerve in place, I’ll drill a hole through every single one, Thread through each a fine steel string To pull them slow with a hand crank winch. When you’ve walked passed each other Have you been filled with complete terror? Did you grasp tightly at your fabric clothes As though they’ll protect from the shame? It’s so gratifying to watch as you suffer. The chemicals turned your skin to leather It’s time to cut that wailing tongue into rows I hope I don’t strike a vein, I like this game. Does the night bring back all the memories That weigh you down with its terrifying grip? Do you hope that by the morning sunrise Your heart would stop it’s painful beating? I’d quit the whining, there are no remedies As I watch you choke behind glued lips. I can’t stand to be devoured by your eyes But a pin prick will remove their seeing. Are your days filled with asking why? Blaming yourself for being the prey, Breaking yourself down ‘til you barely exist Pretending it never hurt you that much. I’m sure you’re all but ready to die? But you don’t look like your inner decay! I’ll let you decompose in your own shit Because a touch is not just a touch.
Dew swept wind hills of May morning Captured moments in sprinkled droplets That begged passers by to be collected. We knew to wait another hour or two Before stepping into their damp tracks Lest we become entranced by their tales. Humanity bled memories into the valleys. Tiny beetles feasted in the chaotic morning, Their shells glittered in the gloss of droplets. When the night's trouble was collected They'd disguise themselves in a minute or two Before the songbirds could recite hunting tracks. It was finally safe to leave our sacred cover. Humanity bled memories into the valleys Through the corpses of their fallen brothers. The glorious warmth of a sunny morning Reflected in our eyes like twinkling droplets Of youthful hope. It was our courage collected, Shared and displayed between only us two, That we may complete our pilgrimage together No matter the troubled ground we may cover. Humanity bled memories into the valleys Through the corpses of their fallen brothers. So few survived when kin killed beloved kin. A journey of miles, trudged through a morning. Stepping rhythmic, drenched in sweated droplets And woefully feigning we were calm and collected. Fear was painted behind our mission worn mask As we checked the mapped route together, Arguing the shorter path as we replaced it's cover. Humanity bled memories into the valleys Through the corpses of their fallen brothers. So few survived when kin killed beloved kin, Too many were martyred by man's monstrosity. Legs aching from the endless walking morning, Bodies craving sustenance, but surviving on droplets Tipped from the final flask of water, and of hope. You snatched the final sip, cracking under your mask. It seemed we'd outlasted our journey together, Our separateness apparently hidden under cover. Humanity bled memories into the valleys Through the corpses of their fallen brothers. So few survived when kin killed beloved kin, Too many were martyred by man's monstrosity: Those who fought for the beauty within us all. We parted with the last seconds of the morning, Silently wishing the other would reconsider. Survival now was only built on an anchor of hope That outlived the violence and psychological masks. Hope, that final chant uniting the distant together In a melody no imposter was able to falsely cover. For humanity bled memories into the valleys Through the corpses of their fallen brothers. So few survived when kin killed beloved kin, Too many were martyred by man's monstrosity. Those who fought for the beauty within us all Are anchored beacons of hope in dirty waters.
The feathered wings smelt the worst, Like plastic had fucked hair and created hatred. The smoke those feathers created Wrapped itself around every breath And burned our tracheas raw. At first, His visit was delightful, But as judgment reigned on our indiscretion The townsfolk yelled witch And bound His wings with the rope They bound their wives with at night. We were entranced by the screams Just as we were oft enraptured in each other’s sex. Gleefully we cheered melting skin, And screwed as the fat charred, Breathing in roasted celestial. The final flames danced at the messengers’ feet As townsmen recovered from climax, And wives licked each other's wounds clean. We satiated all violent and sexual desires, The day we set the Angel on Fire.
I am years of depression in the making, A broken concoction of self-help and self-hate. Progress, the weapon utilised to silence the audience, Is just as fake as the smile I paint on in the morning, To hide the desire to either laugh at my suffering, Or to will my heart to cease beating. I am composed of trauma’s melodic refrain, And I am played over my own disturbed backing, Pretending every moment is a blessing, When really I am gluing my pieces back together, Finding discarded shards all over my psyche, Pretending I am on a journey of self-discovery. I am bursting at the seams with rage, Sewing myself a harness to contain my mania With the snapped threads of my heart strings. The blood thirsty fever dripping from my jaws, The seething grit that sits in my grin, Aims as inwardly as it does outward.