Reddy or Not

Razor blade eyes graze deep in the sin
Exposing the tarnished rust underneath
Dead layers of poison blushed rosy skin. 

Relive
Each
Day

Remorse slathers its thick tongue against
Every inch of your grimacing, paling face.
Detached enough to only feel the spite. 

Regret
Every
Decision

Rehearse the pleas for mercy at the sight of
Extraction devices seeking to remove the
Decaying truth from the depths of your memory. 

Recognise
Empty
Deeds

Realise that the crimson wound in your chest
Echoes with the wishes that you had started
Dying before you stopped the others from living.

Vicious Thirst

Originally Written 08/05/2020, Edited 12/05/2021

I want to set my teeth into your throat; 
Gargle sour blood around your larynx 
And tease out your last gasping breath.

I want to kiss the lines of your jugular: 
To rip away the freckled fleshy covering 
Stimulating my taste buds on its pulsing surface.

I want to play maestro with your nerves; 
And watch you twitch and convulse like a puppet 
As I pluck the taught tendrils one by one.

I want to pick my teeth with your hyoid; 
Scrape from my grin your lingering remains
To purge the taste of you from my mouth

Citrine Dreamer

Originally Written 09/05/2020, Edited 12/05/2021

Bestowed gift of manifestation
As laid by this babe's head,
Bring abundance to this child
With bounds yet to be unknown.
Create from his flesh a conduit
Flowing bountiful in curiosity
And free in unabashed glee.
Fortify his bones against misery
And afford him only adoration.
Grant him true expression of
Boundless and pure creativity
Cascading from his fingertips
Or coursing from his pouting lips.

Hold his tongue from envious spite.
Transform those jealous intentions
Into tangible and fortuitous actions.
Harbour angers, fears and explosions
To free his spirit for fresh pursuits.
Transmute his negative shadows
Into innovative and fertile passions
That may regenerate his being
And unshackle his ambitions.
Produce from this humble bairn
An infant of widened eyes and heart;
An enduring and steadfast being.
Make him true, fair citrine dreamer.

Question Touch

Do you have to scrub your skin too?
Scratch off it’s surface over and over
Until twenty burning layers away
From the tracks of unwanted caress?

Remember as the acid seeps through
And you lose that arrogant composure,
That I am only just beginning to play
With these things that helps me ‘process.’

Have you ever had to show your face
When no-one knows the predator won?
Force a smile, a dead eyed, dull grin,
Hoping when friends hug you don’t flinch.

Centre of the tooth, with nerve in place,
I’ll drill a hole through every single one,
Thread through each a fine steel string
To pull them slow with a hand crank winch.

When you’ve walked passed each other
Have you been filled with complete terror?
Did you grasp tightly at your fabric clothes
As though they’ll protect from the shame?

It’s so gratifying to watch as you suffer.
The chemicals turned your skin to leather
It’s time to cut that wailing tongue into rows
I hope I don’t strike a vein, I like this game.

Does the night bring back all the memories
That weigh you down with its terrifying grip?
Do you hope that by the morning sunrise
Your heart would stop it’s painful beating?

I’d quit the whining, there are no remedies
As I watch you choke behind glued lips.
I can’t stand to be devoured by your eyes
But a pin prick will remove their seeing.

Are your days filled with asking why?
Blaming yourself for being the prey,
Breaking yourself down ‘til you barely exist
Pretending it never hurt you that much.

I’m sure you’re all but ready to die?
But you don’t look like your inner decay!
I’ll let you decompose in your own shit
Because a touch is not just a touch.

Anchored Beacons

Dew swept wind hills of May morning
Captured moments in sprinkled droplets
That begged passers by to be collected.
We knew to wait another hour or two
Before stepping into their damp tracks
Lest we become entranced by their tales.

Humanity bled memories into the valleys.

Tiny beetles feasted in the chaotic morning,
Their shells glittered in the gloss of droplets.
When the night's trouble was collected
They'd disguise themselves in a minute or two
Before the songbirds could recite hunting tracks.
It was finally safe to leave our sacred cover.

Humanity bled memories into the valleys
Through the corpses of their fallen brothers.

The glorious warmth of a sunny morning
Reflected in our eyes like twinkling droplets
Of youthful hope. It was our courage collected,
Shared and displayed between only us two,
That we may complete our pilgrimage together
No matter the troubled ground we may cover.

Humanity bled memories into the valleys
Through the corpses of their fallen brothers.
So few survived when kin killed beloved kin.

A journey of miles, trudged through a morning.
Stepping rhythmic, drenched in sweated droplets
And woefully feigning we were calm and collected.
Fear was painted behind our mission worn mask
As we checked the mapped route together,
Arguing the shorter path as we replaced it's cover.

Humanity bled memories into the valleys
Through the corpses of their fallen brothers.
So few survived when kin killed beloved kin,
Too many were martyred by man's monstrosity.

Legs aching from the endless walking morning,
Bodies craving sustenance, but surviving on droplets
Tipped from the final flask of water, and of hope.
You snatched the final sip, cracking under your mask.
It seemed we'd outlasted our journey together,
Our separateness apparently hidden under cover.

Humanity bled memories into the valleys
Through the corpses of their fallen brothers.
So few survived when kin killed beloved kin,
Too many were martyred by man's monstrosity:
Those who fought for the beauty within us all.

We parted with the last seconds of the morning,
Silently wishing the other would reconsider.
Survival now was only built on an anchor of hope
That outlived the violence and psychological masks.
Hope, that final chant uniting the distant together
In a melody no imposter was able to falsely cover.

For humanity bled memories into the valleys
Through the corpses of their fallen brothers.
So few survived when kin killed beloved kin,
Too many were martyred by man's monstrosity.
Those who fought for the beauty within us all
Are anchored beacons of hope in dirty waters.

An Angel on Fire

The feathered wings smelt the worst,
Like plastic had fucked hair and created hatred.
The smoke those feathers created
Wrapped itself around every breath
And burned our tracheas raw.

At first, His visit was delightful,
But as judgment reigned on our indiscretion
The townsfolk yelled witch
And bound His wings with the rope
They bound their wives with at night.

We were entranced by the screams 
Just as we were oft enraptured in each other’s sex.
Gleefully we cheered melting skin,
And screwed as the fat charred,
Breathing in roasted celestial.

The final flames danced at the messengers’ feet
As townsmen recovered from climax,
And wives licked each other's wounds clean.
We satiated all violent and sexual desires,
The day we set the Angel on Fire.

Introspection

I am years of depression in the making,
A broken concoction of self-help and self-hate.
Progress, the weapon utilised to silence the audience,
Is just as fake as the smile I paint on in the morning,
To hide the desire to either laugh at my suffering,
Or to will my heart to cease beating.

I am composed of trauma’s melodic refrain,
And I am played over my own disturbed backing,
Pretending every moment is a blessing,
When really I am gluing my pieces back together,
Finding discarded shards all over my psyche,
Pretending I am on a journey of self-discovery.

I am bursting at the seams with rage,
Sewing myself a harness to contain my mania
With the snapped threads of my heart strings.
The blood thirsty fever dripping from my jaws,
The seething grit that sits in my grin,
Aims as inwardly as it does outward.

Divine Misinterpretation

Burn me to beyond my flesh,
Until charcoal becomes my bones,
Prepared to fall into unskilled hands,
And trace amateur musings on cheap paper.​
Remake my ashes into your altar,
Ready to receive sacrilegious homages,
Prayers filled to the brim with debasement,
As you pick your false God, or God’s,
And punish each other for differing choices.

Betray my actions with your memories,
Portray as a fictitious being of your design,
Claim dominion over your perception,
And pass on your contortions to your kin.
Teach them of my misery and woe,
Belittle my mistakes to lowly choice,
A haphazard misstep by misstep,
That led to inevitable brimstone.

Pretend me to be a sinner in life,
And a fiery withered soul in death,
As you picture thick sulfuric gasses,
Turn and swirl in my remnants of lung,
Catching breathless behind my tongue.
But don’t scream when your lack of reformation,
Stemming from absence of self-reflection,
Leaves you burnt on my named headstone.

A Poisoned Womb

She disgusts me,
She boils my blood,
She makes sick,
She makes me hate.

Her poisoned womb made you love her,
Made you believe she's the best in the world,
Made you blind to all her faults,
Made you favour her always.

She angers me,
She grinds my gears,
She makes me miserable,
She makes me hurt.

Her poisonous personality put you in danger,
Neglected to keep you safe when it mattered
Made you endure this suffering,
Made you feel you couldn't speak up.

She makes me cry,
She makes me seethe,
She makes me depressed,
She is despicable.

Her poisoned childhood has ruined yours,
Made you vulnerable because she's sick,
Made you prey to her predator,
Made you victim to her selfishness.

She disgusts me,
She boils my blood,
She makes sick,
She makes me hate.
But,
She fucked up,
She made you hurt.
So,
I'll pick up the pieces,
I'll keep you safe,
I'll give you joy,
I'll show you love.

Internal Anguish

For so long I've formed pain,
Held it within my four walls,
Within the structure of myself.

I learned this to be unhealthy,
Destructive to my personality,
So I believed expression was key,
To let it all flow freely,
Unfiltered, from my lips.

You encouraged me to talk,
I reciprocated such action,
Believing you willing to listen,
And knowing my ears are open.

As I learned to open up,
Began to find release,
I faced judgement, more pain.
You couldn't deal with what I held back.

I'll be no fool again, like this,
All previously thought progression,
Now clearly regression.
So I apologize for my blindness.

I'll not let the world know my pain,
I'll keep my internal anguish,
Even if I crumble inside, then out,
It must be less than external hate.

I'll retreat back to myself,
Keep in my bubble, where I'm safe.
Never to be scolded again,
By a fire that others fuelled.

I'll embrace my internal anguish,
Understand it as my only companion,
Never to be betrayed by tongues,
Relaying information untrue,
Or turned, or twisted, or even honest.
People cannot cope with my pain,
So I'll no longer seek advice.