Slow was the first pulsation of this heart but fast would its thrum be through life. Mother read in the stars on the chart that we were to embrace you as eventide embraces the light that is soon to depart. You unsettled us with the fixated yellow grin: we knew sanity and your smile were apart from the moment you held the bluntest knife and set into mother’s skin a most demonic art.
No one digs in the corners Where the smell festers deepest. Their shovels just clang and clack On the crumbled poured cement That’s broken in the centre Because it lifts easier that grey concrete rubble bow Where the walls join together, Connected to the cold ground: Below the record player, That knew only but one song At entirely the wrong speed: Is where she lays, still waiting, Still wasting, still wailing out. No one will ever find her. The ammonia stings their eyes Should they wander close enough To spot the fresh plaster marks, Or the abandoned teddy Adorned with a bow, alas, No one digs in the corners.
Do you have to scrub your skin too? Scratch off it’s surface over and over Until twenty burning layers away From the tracks of unwanted caress? Remember as the acid seeps through And you lose that arrogant composure, That I am only just beginning to play With these things that helps me ‘process.’ Have you ever had to show your face When no-one knows the predator won? Force a smile, a dead eyed, dull grin, Hoping when friends hug you don’t flinch. Centre of the tooth, with nerve in place, I’ll drill a hole through every single one, Thread through each a fine steel string To pull them slow with a hand crank winch. When you’ve walked passed each other Have you been filled with complete terror? Did you grasp tightly at your fabric clothes As though they’ll protect from the shame? It’s so gratifying to watch as you suffer. The chemicals turned your skin to leather It’s time to cut that wailing tongue into rows I hope I don’t strike a vein, I like this game. Does the night bring back all the memories That weigh you down with its terrifying grip? Do you hope that by the morning sunrise Your heart would stop it’s painful beating? I’d quit the whining, there are no remedies As I watch you choke behind glued lips. I can’t stand to be devoured by your eyes But a pin prick will remove their seeing. Are your days filled with asking why? Blaming yourself for being the prey, Breaking yourself down ‘til you barely exist Pretending it never hurt you that much. I’m sure you’re all but ready to die? But you don’t look like your inner decay! I’ll let you decompose in your own shit Because a touch is not just a touch.
The feathered wings smelt the worst, Like plastic had fucked hair and created hatred. The smoke those feathers created Wrapped itself around every breath And burned our tracheas raw. At first, His visit was delightful, But as judgment reigned on our indiscretion The townsfolk yelled witch And bound His wings with the rope They bound their wives with at night. We were entranced by the screams Just as we were oft enraptured in each other’s sex. Gleefully we cheered melting skin, And screwed as the fat charred, Breathing in roasted celestial. The final flames danced at the messengers’ feet As townsmen recovered from climax, And wives licked each other's wounds clean. We satiated all violent and sexual desires, The day we set the Angel on Fire.
She disgusts me, She boils my blood, She makes sick, She makes me hate. Her poisoned womb made you love her, Made you believe she's the best in the world, Made you blind to all her faults, Made you favour her always. She angers me, She grinds my gears, She makes me miserable, She makes me hurt. Her poisonous personality put you in danger, Neglected to keep you safe when it mattered Made you endure this suffering, Made you feel you couldn't speak up. She makes me cry, She makes me seethe, She makes me depressed, She is despicable. Her poisoned childhood has ruined yours, Made you vulnerable because she's sick, Made you prey to her predator, Made you victim to her selfishness. She disgusts me, She boils my blood, She makes sick, She makes me hate. But, She fucked up, She made you hurt. So, I'll pick up the pieces, I'll keep you safe, I'll give you joy, I'll show you love.
Cream white skin, They possessed, Innocence, purity, trust, Why must children possess Everything you desire? They are perfection, perfection, Yet you seek to destroy them. When they sleep, Only dreams should grace them, Not fear, not torment, Just dreams, Of new bikes, toys, happiness. They are perfect, Not worth giving any pain, Perfect, beautiful, They don't deserve it. Yet you hurt them, destroy their innocence, Burn their purity, Torture the child, Kill their absolution. They are beautiful, Gorgeous, children, Even after you're pain. And no-one could stop it. You hurt them. You destroy their person-hood, Their lives And no-one can give that back. NO ONE
Every word is venom, Nothing Pleasant, Just a hiss, a seething, Everything good decays, Your presence burns it alive, Rips the flesh from every piece of bone, Taking any aspect of soul, Only a carcass left. The vile nature, The putrid lies, All inhabit you to the very core, boiling and bubbling away. A cadaver before you, yet, Nothing but a laugh, a smile, Are you proud? Is it really just pride? Are you so demented, twisted, disturbed, hateful? In fact, I know, You embody everything that holds spite within its name, not because it embodies you, No, you embrace it. You welcome it. You encourage it to be. You sit so smugly, Killing everything that lays there, mutilating everything sweet, Until the sour you place within it burns like acid on the skin. Well, F*CK YOU! You can burn this world, Take it with your venom, Slow its beating heart, To match the stand still of your own. If you have a heart. The callous words your tongue tries to meld into the calling of the trees and the cold wind, Shows your inhumanity.
Sorry shan't heal my wounds, It won't take away my pain. What happened, unforgivable, evil, And I've yet to understand it all. I used to unfathomably trust, To let people understand me, Yet now these scars, Prevent me from standing free. How could a friendly gesture, Breach all walls of protection, Leave me unguarded, insecure, Fearful of the monster, that's you. I doubt my own mental strength, And your strategic attack Shatters any fortitude remaining, To grant your one, unforgivable wish.
The Poet Armistead 