The Man and The Flower

Stumbling footsteps graced the earth,
Contorting the shrubbery under their weight,
Twisting the roots in their shallow graves.
All things ruined and changed,
Bar a single flower.
He plucks it from its sheath,
Revelling in the intricate swirls on its petals.
 
He falls back onto the sodden ground,
Marvelling in the phenomena before him.
The single intricate flower,
That survived his onslaught of steps.
 
‘I ought to place it by my ear’
He giggled to himself.
‘Or perhaps on my lapel’
He retorted to himself.
‘Either would be fashionable’
He replied. To himself.
 
He lay back on the bed of leaves,
Captured in the beauty of the petals.
Knowing full well he ought to stand,
Ought to remove himself from the floor,
But deciding it easier,
Simpler even,
To just lay there.
A single flower in his hand,
His worldly possession,
His only ownership.
The nurse pulls him from the floor,
Removing the toothpick from his fingers,
And leading him to the bed.
He feels the leaves fall from his back,
Leaving the wet outlines on his vest.
 
‘Our final concern for your father’
The doctor said to the woman before him,
‘Is his persistent hallucination…’

Internal Anguish

For so long I've formed pain,
Held it within my four walls,
Within the structure of myself.

I learned this to be unhealthy,
Destructive to my personality,
So I believed expression was key,
To let it all flow freely,
Unfiltered, from my lips.

You encouraged me to talk,
I reciprocated such action,
Believing you willing to listen,
And knowing my ears are open.

As I learned to open up,
Began to find release,
I faced judgement, more pain.
You couldn't deal with what I held back.

I'll be no fool again, like this,
All previously thought progression,
Now clearly regression.
So I apologize for my blindness.

I'll not let the world know my pain,
I'll keep my internal anguish,
Even if I crumble inside, then out,
It must be less than external hate.

I'll retreat back to myself,
Keep in my bubble, where I'm safe.
Never to be scolded again,
By a fire that others fuelled.

I'll embrace my internal anguish,
Understand it as my only companion,
Never to be betrayed by tongues,
Relaying information untrue,
Or turned, or twisted, or even honest.
People cannot cope with my pain,
So I'll no longer seek advice.

My Silence

You should know,
My silence is wrong,
You're quiet and content,
I am loud and proud.
Yet my silence has gone
continually unquestioned.
I am not one for silence,
Can't you see, at all?
I'm shout it so loud,
without words or sounds.
I need you to help me.
I need you to save me.
The agony is built up,
Years of things unsaid.
I can't say them to you,
But at least notice!
Don't push me away more,
I need you to be there more,
Now more than ever!
Don't leave me in this silence!

Save Me...

Another

Glass in hand,
Tongue in mouth,
A poor excuse for an escape.


Glass in hand,
Liquor in mouth,
One fine way to drown it out.


Glass in hand,
Mind still thinks,
Maybe a bit faster will help.

​
Glass in hand,
Eyes glaze out,
More is needed to settle.


Glass in hand,
Thoughts command,
Just swallow pride before this one.
Glass on lip,
Eyes closed,
One more breath to swallow.


Glass on deck,
Another in mind,
Perhaps the thought will stop.


Glass on lip,
Liquor tips,
The heart begins to race


​​Glass on deck,
Burning neck,
Just one more to ease the pain.


​Glass on lip,
Feelings split.
It's time. To have another.

Please

Every time I see you,
I see potential, future,
I see excellence in all you do.
I wish you saw it,
I wish you realised.
Like the wings of a butterfly,
You influence a change in the world,
Without you, the world is broken.
You offer uniqueness,
Something only you give.
Your heart is as big as your pain.
And you're so much stronger,
So much stronger than this.
Please.

Words

Have you run out of words?
Is that why there is silence,
Empty, cold silence?
Let me in, let me know,
It's fair to assume I'll be there,
I'm always here.
Just Tell me.
Use your words.
The words I fondly look into,
The words I see move slowly,
Let their warmth back, please.
Speak the truth, or even lie,
Anything is better than nothing!
Everything is better than nothing,
Silence, like this, is unbearable.
You can even tell me to go,
I happily will,
Just break the silence

Indescribable

If it were only possible,
I would put it in a way,
A concise, simple way,
Then you'd understand.
Then you'd know the fear,
Of drowning with no water,
When no droplets are present.
Of feeling the air, empty,
Leave your lungs,
With no replacement breath.
Then you'd see,
That black shroud of an umbrella,
I carry around with me.
It doesn't close, won't or can't.
I'm always under its covers.
Then you'd notice it,
When the sun shines through,
I reach for it, try to grab it.
But also how I hurt,
When I can't take any with me.
How terrible it is to see joy,
Knowing how good it feels,
But no feeling it.

Then you'd feel the terror,
The pure horror of loneliness.
The madness it ensues,
The longing it forms inside.
But also the pain it causes,
When the mind turns to itself,
Filled only with hate,
Wishing for pain. Then the guilt,
Not for sin, for selfishness.
Knowing others would be better
At living this life than you,
And yet, wanting so badly,
Not to have it anymore.

Cream White

Cream white skin,
They possessed,
Innocence, purity, trust,
Why must children possess
Everything you desire?
They are perfection, perfection,
Yet you seek to destroy them.

When they sleep,
Only dreams should grace them,
Not fear, not torment,
Just dreams,
Of new bikes, toys, happiness.

They are perfect,
Not worth giving any pain,
Perfect, beautiful,
They don't deserve it.

Yet you hurt them,
destroy their innocence,
Burn their purity,
Torture the child,
Kill their absolution.

They are beautiful,
Gorgeous, children,
Even after you're pain.
And no-one could stop it.
You hurt them.
You destroy their person-hood,
Their lives
And no-one can give that back.
NO ONE

Time to be Fixed

A delay is a delay,
But a delay is not an end.
An end is an end,
But an end is not a delay.

A delay can progress,
An end is complete,
The mind can progress,
And life is complete.

It's time to stop the delay,
Allow the mind to progress.
It's time to end the struggle,
Allow my life to feel complete.

It's time to fix the delay,
It's time to be fixed.