Tag Archives: depression

Cream White

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Cream white skin,
They possessed,
Innocence, purity, trust,
Why must children possess
Everything you desire?
They are perfection, perfection,
Yet you seek to destroy them.

When they sleep,
Only dreams should grace them,
Not fear, not torment,
Just dreams,
Of new bikes, toys, happiness.

They are perfect,
Not worth giving any pain,
Perfect, beautiful,
They don't deserve it.

Yet you hurt them,
destroy their innocence,
Burn their purity,
Torture the child,
Kill their absolution.

They are beautiful,
Gorgeous, children,
Even after you're pain.
And no-one could stop it.
You hurt them.
You destroy their person-hood,
Their lives
And no-one can give that back.
NO ONE

Don’t Hate Me

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My Darling,
          Please don't hate me,
          Blame my mind, not me,
          I want life, please,
          My emotions don't understand.

My Love,
          Don't listen to the past,
          I know I nearly broke the promise,
          But not this time.
          I won't break the skin.

My Darling,
          As empty as I feel,
          I won't, I couldn't, I can't,
          No matter how much,
          I want to see you again.

My Love,
          It dances in my mind,
          Now and again. But no!
          Not a blade, or a pill,
          Not a jump, or a rope.

My Darling,
          I won't leave here early,
          I'll let you collect me,
          When my time is right,
          To return to your arms.

My Love,
          But I want to so badly,
          Please don't hate me,
          It's just a desire,
          I'll fend it off.

My Darling,
          I won't do it,
          I'll keep the promise,
          I'll wait.
          Don't hate me.

The Happy Slap and the Freight Train

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It was meant to be breakfast,
To kill the hangover, fix us up.
Then the happy slap came,
A worry, concern, conversed,
Inquired, checked, asked,
He told me you were low,
Images of the ground rising,
Swallowing you whole,
Appeared in my mind.
Common, but surprising.
I know the feeling all too well.

The freight train hit.
Your pain, in all its mental manifestations,
Dreams, longing for more,
For a physical affliction.
An emptiness formed inside me,
Guilt encapsulated me, held me,
That moment, I heard enough,
The detonator had been pulled,
You are too important,
Too vital to this world.

21/07/20–

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The water is rising,
It was at my ankles,
I could cope, even at my knees,
I could cope.
Now it's by my neck.
The temperature, not hot,
Not cold, not neither.
It's the grasp. Firm.
The push. Heavy.
I can't cope. Not this high,
Not when I can't breathe,
Not when I can't shout,
I can't call out.

The paralysis starts.
At first it's just numb.
It feels weird to move.
But I can do it.
It increases, debilitates, holds back.
First my head won't lift,
Then my legs curl up.
Then Freeze.
My core feels empty.
My arms wrap around me,
Embraced and unmoved.
I can't move, my will has gone.
My eyes shut, still.

The hatred boils,
At no-one outside,
Directed only inside,
Every word I say, wrong,
Every breath, too loud,
Every tear, pathetic,
Every ounce of pain, deserved.
No happiness owed,
Just hatred to the self.

One Last Goodbye

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The ground was meant to be the foundation,
But it swallowed my foundation whole,
Taking the last part of my will.

I could deal with not knowing,
I have my own place for you,
But now it's only
Trepidation in my gut.
No more butterflies,
No more tears.

Was I right?

Is that really where you are?
The real place you lie?
Even though you are in my heart.
I want to crawl beneath the surface world.
For one last goodbye.

Painful Shore

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The water trembles between my toes,
But the tide is yet to move,
Comforting solace repels the waves.
Sun holding itself from truth.

The sand here burns, melts away breath,
Chastising the silence, making it screech and bend.

But the water is cooling.
The tide is calming.
The waves bring comfort.
The sun still holds the truth.

The day time twists, pulling tightly,
Taking the last part of itself to keep for sure.

But the water has gone.
No tide exists, no waves.
The sun has set.

Not One For Smiling

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He's not the one for smiling,
He loves his darkness so.
Everything a shade of black,
With stains of unwanted heart beats.

He wallows in his own sorrow,
But edges the worst away by blade,
He has a girl, a lover,
He sees collateral, a hostage.

More than a major depressive,
Un-controlled by Prozac, or Clozapine,
Prone to miss a dose,
And not scared to overdose.

He doesn't give a damn,
Tries to defend those around,
But loses his own battle,
Loses his own mind.

A Death Wish

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A blade, metallic and pointed,
Strong and Powerful too,
Leaves a mark, a scratch,
A scar, memories proof.

A flame, fiercest monster,
Red, yellow, green and blue,
Melting and burning,
An ash pile left as remains.

A bottle of little pills,
Pink, white, and so potent,
Helping and healing,
Helping the hurt go away.

A rope, fiber wound tight
tough and flexible,
Knotting and holding,
Breathlessly available.

A river, deep and dark,
Flowing with currents of gold,
And icy wasting waves.
What a lung filler